LOTR marathon menu special edition 🧝♂️
fry-up tarts, elf wine, stew with po-tay-toes
Hey kitchen dispatch team!
Last time we talked, I told you I was – for reasons even I don’t fully understand* – pouring all my energy into creating a day of eating to pair with a marathon of all three Lord of the Rings movies.
Today, I bring you the full final menu, with photos and a few favorite recipes.
*running theory is that I may, in fact, have the mind and stomach capacity of a healthy young hobbit
Let’s start with the downloadables
These recipes pair well with the films (or books, if you’re nasty!), but they’re also eminently tasty. I encourage you to try them out even if you’ve never heard of Gondor.
Bacon, sausage, and tomato tarts
These take some effort, but whew! They are so good. They were a huge hit in our house day of – so much so that I made a second batch this week just because.
Elderflower “elf wine” spritz
What the Hugo spritz should have been, in my humble opinion.
Chicken thighs & grapes sheet pan dinner
Who doesn’t love a sheet pan dinner? Less than an hour, virtually no prep time, and tastes like you worked hard on it.
Please note that this is all the work of a fan and not in any way affiliated with or approved by the Tolkien estate or any other rights holders from the Lord of the Rings books or film series.
Now, time to nerd out
Here’s the full final menu I put together and how it pairs with each film!
I’m going to note what I made ahead and how I stored it just in case you’re unhinged enough to attempt this too.
The Fellowship of the Ring
Breakfast (beginning of film/Gandalf’s arrival in the Shire):
Tea or coffee
Bread, jam, and butter
Bowl of snacking apples
Second breakfast (on the way to Bree):
Mushroom & brie pastries
“They come in pints?” small glass of breakfast stout (or NA beer)
Elevenses (bad idea cookout on Weathertop Hill):
Tomato, sausage, and bacon tarts
Optional pre-lunch aperitif (a visit to Lothlórien):
Elf wine spritz
Bonus treat (Boromir dies):
[A tender] Hershey's kiss [on the forehead]
Notes: I made the pastries and tarts the day before, stored them in the fridge overnight, and warmed them in the oven while making coffee before beginning the first movie. I had intended to make the elf wine as a batch cocktail but didn’t get around to it, but you certainly could. You would simply add ice and seltzer before serving.
The mushroom and brie pastries were unbelievably quick and easy – I’m probably going to make a short or video demonstrating how to make them before the holidays, but shout if you want the recipe. I used premade puff pastry and they came together in about 20 minutes, minus downtime spent defrosting the pastry.
The Two Towers
To start:
Bread & water only! Suffer like Sam and Frodo!
Bonus snacks and treats:
Orc draught: Shot of Fireball (I suggested this but Dan vetoed tbh)
Meat, back on the menu: Spicy beef jerky
Gimli tastes the orc blood: Jammy Dodgers
Fangorn Forest: Tall glass of water
Lunch (Gollum gets a rabbit/Eowyn’s cursed soup):
Beef stew (with potatoes and herbs) – I used this NYTimes recipe with a few of the modifications suggested by commenters
Boromir's beer
Bonus treat (Gollum's forbidden fish):
Smoked salmon or Swedish fish (or combine them for the most forbidden fish*)
Notes: We went a little rogue and had the stew at the beginning of the movie because we were getting hungry. The rest went loosely as planned. This is the original planned menu with foods in the order they appear in the movie.
The snacks I chose for their on-theme fun but also because they’re all zero effort (I originally considered about doing a more elaborate smoked salmon hors d’oeuvre but thought better of it). The stew I made a few days ahead and froze, then defrosted and reheated. Stew is great because you can do that and nothing bad happens.
*don’t do this! don’t!!!
The Return of the King
To start (Saruman's Storeroom):
Charcuterie board (bread and salted pork heavily featured)
Wine or ale (optional)
Dinner (Denethor's freaky chicken):
Roast chicken, grapes, cherry tomatoes
Bonus treat (Shelob arrives):
Gummy spiders
Dessert (Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo?):
Strawberry shortcake
Notes: Ok, there were a few hiccups here, to be honest. I way overbought on charcuterie board supplies. My original strawberries for the shortcake just weren’t great for some reason – I think they were a little overripe? I handled it by supplementing with mixed berry jam. (The one in the picture is a redo that turned out much better.)
But, most egregiously, we ended up ordering a pizza* instead of making the sheet pan chicken day-of because we started the movies a little late and Dan and I were running out of steam to cook. Worth noting if you decide to do something like this (is that even on the table for anyone? This might be a personal sickness) that you should start early or pre-prep the chicken as much as you can for the sake of your weary bones.
But we had the sheet pan chicken at a later date and honestly? It was easy and delicious. Denethor had a great combo going there.
*pizza was the logical choice because, in my younger years, part of my LOTR-watching ritual was to pick up two Little Caesar’s $5 Hot-N-Ready pepperoni pizzas and make that what I ate for the day while rocketing through the roughly 12 hours of rip-roaring fantasy film
How I put the menu together
It’s always good to show your work, right? Here’s how I put this thing together.
I started out by making a spreadsheet (naturally) and brainstorming all the moments I could think of where food is eaten or mentioned in the films – this alone got me pretty far. I looked up what other people had done and did a speed read through the scripts (I’m out of my mind) to identify where each major moment would come in the course of the day and to ensure I hadn’t missed anything that could be fun to pair with a snack.
I then pulled together the film runtimes and considered where in the day we’d be at each point to ensure we’d get three square meals at around the right times with snacks and drinks as needed. I made final calls on what to include based on total effort required and what I could make ahead so I wouldn’t be stuck cooking all day, which would defeat the point of the endeavor entirely.
I also made additional food for a vegan friend who joined us for part of the day – vegan apple cinnamon scones, tofu saag (a vegan rendition of saag paneer), and a chickpea stew – but I’m going to skip over those recipes for the sake of time. Shout in the comments if you want any of them!
Final thoughts
Overall, it was a super fun day and we ate really well. I have no regrets and would highly recommend doing something like this to any LOTR freaks like me! If you decide to use any of my recipes/planning, take a pic and let me know, I’ll be thrilled.
Side note: We also bought these blankets and wore them as cloaks pinned with these pins (alert: amazon affiliate links!). It was deeply satisfying and the blankets are very soft.
And that concludes the LOTR movie marathon special edition of the kitchen dispatch!
We’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programming in two weeks.
Talk soon and hope you had a Happy Halloween!
Love this and love everything about incredible, funny, creative you❤️